Sunday, March 11, 2007
newness!
http://indigoskies.multiply.com
-my new ranting place.
Seeya blogger.
8:47 AM
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I don't care what the world
throws at me now.
It's gonna be alright.
-----*-----
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
You=exceptional
I never really mentioned of anything about you in this blog for the fear of telling something stupid and sending wrong signals to people who read this. But since it's out in the open and after a while ago I had been a tad comfortable (tad lang...kala mo...haha)... this will be my first entry dedicated to you.
Take this as another thank you letter addressed to you...not anymore through a handmade letter container only you and me knew about but through something a lot will see.
Thank you for being part of this insane world...for daring to enter when I had shut the doors. Thank you for being an instrument for healing when I thought I'd dwell in misery for another year. For a while ago...haha speechless ako. Like I said...not now...there is a time for everything. I'm glad though I felt special. Naks. Haha. Basta thank you talaga...as in. You made my day when you almost ruined it at the same time by the argument yesterday morning. Haha...laughtrip when I reread the messages of rage I sent you. And funny too when I remember how I really tried to ignore you when i saw you coming near in mcdo. Haha...alam ko kaya na nandun ka na..sabi ni lia and laiza eh...but i refused to look back. Bahala ka sabi ko. Sama ba? Anyway...I think I have said enough. You know the rest. I had told everything I should tell you last december and i already have told you why at times I would like to completely erase you from my phonebook and worse...my life. But you had been a good, good friend and you know I wouldn't do that.
So hey Benjamin...thank you again for being that special person who makes this lunatic smile in each day. =)
12:54 AM
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I don't care what the world
throws at me now.
It's gonna be alright.
-----*-----
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Two Hands, One Heart, One Rockin' Life
It's been a month since I last wrote here. I have been dying to spare a little time to type and vent my feelings but alas!---the grandcase, group case study, exhibit, school folio, school paper, harana project, people issues have taken much of my time. When I did have free time I spend it watching korean movies which are. so.freaking.addicting. Argh! I need rehab for addiction! I have finished Princess Hours and the latest favorite movie that had registered itself on the repeat mode of my memory---The Classic. I want to have the same love story! Someone...I need anxiolytics...quick.
Anyway, what had happened over the last few days were simply amaaaaaaaaaaazing! Well except for the sucky new unlimited rates of globe, I have survived the first storm of my college life-the grand case.
After all the hardwork, thank you GOD! Yours is the glory! When before I believed that it was a curse to be blessed in the blabs and defense department, I take back everything negative. Nevermind the people who call themselves righteous when they called me selfish wayyy back. Nevermind if there are present day vampires personified by the.abusive.people. All I can remember was the message of God that day and how He made it known---In His Steps caption, Jan12, 2007: Faith coupled by the power of God equals one big miracle. I love my life. I love God.
Next...today's events.
Sometimes, God can be so surprising when He calls. I initially went to Makati Med just for a checkup since my neck was getting larger day by day. Mom is constantly scolding me for disregarding my health ever since she learned that her aunt is having thyroid cancer. And so I went after a litany of sermons. When I got to the clinic, I was told to return tomorrow since the doctor only honored health card users in the morning; disappointed, I went to school to find Neal for the miting de avance plans. What turned out to be a well-planned day went beserk when I was asked to cover the groundbreaking ceremony of the hospital and when I landed in the love seminar thereafter. After the seminar, when I saw the guidance counselor I blurted out my desire to talk to her about putting up yfc-gky in school.
And guess what? She agreed to help me.
But God was so wise that He surprised me further when I saw my favorite professor who agreed to be an adviser!
Grabe! God...I dunno how to start but THANK YOU! I am so in love with God!
To end the surprise, He led me to attend the Greenbelt mass at 7pm. One song and one message hit me hard: I have two hands, one heart and one life to offer God. All that...all of me.
---
Ever had that feeling of fuzzines when your crush looms your way? Or when someone special tells you sweet nothings?
That is exactly what I am feeling at the moment.
And if God would appear right this very moment, I'll hug Him like there's no tomorrow.
I love God. I love, love, love.
When I thought my limitations would cripple me, He was there to remind me that my limitations are nonexistent because He's there to stretch it out if only I allow Him to steer the wheel of my life. Now all I pray is that I'll be guided some more...
"Tell me what you want me to do Lord God...tell me what you want for my life...
It's Yours, Lord God, it's yours."
12:16 AM
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I don't care what the world
throws at me now.
It's gonna be alright.
-----*-----
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
An Indelible Lesson...
Never ever make a person a priority when all you can ever be...
is an option.
5:05 PM
-----*-----
I don't care what the world
throws at me now.
It's gonna be alright.
-----*-----
Monday, January 01, 2007
The BLESSED Year That Was...
Last night, while I momentarily watched the fireworks dance in the sky, I couldn't help but thank the Lord for the year 2006. It was actually a VERY AMAZING year! As I ran through the all the events that my memory could recall, I felt as if I was the happiest person alive!
2006 was a year of turning points in almost all aspects of my life. Again, after that incident when I was in high school, I cried again in regret for what I thought was another missed shot. As usual I ran to God to take away the pain and heal me after 2 years of killing myself. And since God sometimes grants prayers with a little extra dash of happiness, He gave me more than just healing. He gave me new life lessons and new people who shed light to that once murky place in my life. :)
In the aspect of service, God blessed me with the opportunity to finally lead the cluster I grew up in. Ever since SHOUT until the household Christmas party, God allowed me to get hurt to the core and then renew me. I fondly remember how God surprised me by making my parents finally understand that I really wanted a life of service to Him. I also remember the elation of being allowed to go to school during the day and sleeping at the shout house during the night. I also remember my first metro manila kasangga, my first super duper tongues workshop during thr may camp my first talk outside my cluster, my first commbased core household, my first ever sb2 core pastoral household, my first my sector assembly sharing, my first pre-con where i sang in the acapella and sb2 swept the awards my first time leading the kasangga, my first time to serve at the chapter heads overnight, my first metrocon, my first time serving metro manila during the metrocon, (haha shotgun talaga!)...
and most importantly my metrocon sharing where I offered a prayer to God in front of 4000 people!
Of course, how can I also forget the wonderful people I met during my stint as one of the team in medical mission? Ate Leah, Mai, Kuya Jake and Ivan...I miss you!!! The genserve team...ate jing, kuya boris and the rest of those I became close with. The team who helped me during our storycon sessions: my ever "galeng" and "lupet" Kuya Arvin, Ate Mariel, Kuya Nics, Kuya Jepoy; my fellow sharers: kuya doms, joy, ivan (ulit...haha), kates, mai, raine... :) Thank you all for making my first-ever, super amazing metrocon possible!
A shower of thanks to the people who inspired, touched and valued me: my sb2 family especially my partner, emvin and the leaders who attend the friday sessions...i love you guys because next to my family you all complete me; my commbased core saturday family: awee (my past life "kapatid" and confidante) and ther, kuya chris (my load provider, tawa buddy...haha talaga!) and ate mac (my hillsong ka-addict and shout first friend with anelle), benjo (si zombie...buahaha) and lanjae (my ka-batch and sister), ate tin (haha laging wala pero nandun nung revelation...haha gets?) and kuya jon (hindi umattend ng hh pero feeling close nung pre-con haha), shine (all smiles!) and paolo (na napressure mag-globe at ang naging discourse buddy ko one hh), renel (kapateeeeeed, confidante, loving friend) and angel (sax girl), noel (hahahahaha! partner ko nung cho!) and anelle (ka-close ko nung cho...one of those i first became close with during the shout), ate roan (kasama ko lang nung gk empowerment haha) and kuya alex (hehe another absentee hh member), ate wanda (na naging close ko na dahil sa hh) and dl (haynako laging wala!) and of course kuya g (adviser, kuya, confidante, supppper!) and ate dianne (who i love sooo much!); to the other nff sa sector: ate dana (my mentor...that sums it up), kuya tis (my big brother nung past life haha), kuya jp (who i became close to because of the metrocon pre-activities sa center), ate ka (waaaah! haha jolly, jolly ate ka!), bonjing (shotgun sharer haha), kd (shout buddy), roarke (inspiring, hands down servant, friend, God's blessing, oatmeal cookie giver haha), kuya billy (haha...tangkad!), ate tessa (sweet, sweet ate tessa), ate triccia, ate carla (bungisngis haha), ate jhoei (shout ate)...haha who else? There are lots and all of them brought a significant change in me...they might not know it but their inspiring way of serving God helped me get to the core of loving Him.
My barkada!!! Lovely (spiritual and all around wise adviser haha...ang tawa!!!haha! Fellow Blue Eagle enthusiast), Che (best friends ba tayo? haha... iyakin as usual pero love ko), Monica (my defender, my punch bag, my yfc "kausap" haha), Janai (confidante, yellow, yellow...haha)! Of course mae and josh... my emotional pillow...my spiritual adviser. Ate marian (adviser sa...ya know haha! Defender...), BIBBO (kelogs, jane, kat, gia, jebby, maan, alex, joshy, sweet)...i miss you...you are the best!!! My new group who I am starting to know (those who listened well...those who understand, need i mention your name...i hate to be biased...you know who you are), my thesis groupmates...sana best thesis...woo!
Other special people: my hs family, especially those who stuck with me: Cathy (my secret best friend) and Carline (Ayeen love...i missssss you bakla!haha!).
Jessa, Clarett, Loren, Rox, AHSE II-B, AHSE I-B, nff sa BSN III-B, Artiar family...and those I failed to mention...
I love you all. You made the new lee-an possible.
Of course how can I forget God...my therapist...my love...my boyfriend...my brother...my all.
A BIG THANK YOU.
You made me understand a lot of things. You made me realized that i am loved. You COMPLETE me.
The highlights of the year...all of it I wrote it here in my blog, feel free to read. For now, I welcome 2007 with excitement. 4th year is a sem away...thesis is a sem away...grandcase on the 12th...proposals for upcoming projects due this month...
I am still Lesley Anne Alvarez Rosal...workaholic...sentimental...kid within...
...only better.
7:49 PM
-----*-----
I don't care what the world
throws at me now.
It's gonna be alright.
-----*-----
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Happy, Happy, Happy!
This will be the very first after a long time that my breathing won't be too erratic due to nearing deadlines of requirements.
This will also be the very first after a long time that I won't have to worry MUCH about anything (well except the grand case, thesis title and metropsyche group case study...not a lot noh?).
I actually missed turning on the TV and bumming around doing nothing; savoring each sigh of relief from all the stresses of third year.
So what's the latest?
Since a lot of significant events have already gone by unwritten, I'll just rant and rave about the current status of my heart.
So how have I been?
I have been so blessed. Ever since the metrocon, my life went upside down...in a good way of course. I have realized how blessed I am to have a loving family in spite of each of their imperfections. I realized that I was trying to create an image of a perfect family but in truth there was really no such thing as perfect to begin with.
Through the years, my family had been the source of my ups and downs. They were the ones who hurt me the most in my entire life to the point that I even thought of entertaining the temptation of ending what turned out to be a wonderful existence. They were also the ones who rejoiced with me during moments of triumph...from my silent dad down to my charming little ate-hugging (and kissing) brother.
And I never knew how much I should value each one of them in spite of all the things they had done to hurt me if it weren't for the metrocon. All along I focused so much on me being hurt by them and not what they might be feeling when they hurt me. Call it selfish perhaps...I had been that superficial.
Well now, the arguments remain...that I can't deny; but now I learned how to understand them when those unfortunate events occur. After all it wasn't their choice to clash with me and maybe say things that seemed like stabs to the ego.
For my initially-hated group, I now understand each of them and why the behave that way thanks to the psychodynamics activity in Metropsyche. Again, I focused too much on the pain they gave me and not the pains I returned in unconscious revenge. To make things sweeter, I learned how to speak up when I feel the need to tell them they were going overboard with the teasings. In addition, I also realized how blessed my life was by doing my autobiography...tracing the developments ever since infancy. While doing that I felt how God has blessed me with a wonderful life...
my family...
my talents...
my friends...
my YFC family...
my God...
everyone that had passed by and stayed in memory and those who have remained close to my heart.
Without all the people I love I am not the Lesley Anne I am at the moment...vibrant and so much in love with life in its entirety!
Haha...I am actually extremely ecstatic at the moment. Everything I prayed to God for were granted. I am too blessed I couldn't ask for more!
I am happy. Extremely so.
7:48 PM
-----*-----
I don't care what the world
throws at me now.
It's gonna be alright.
-----*-----
Friday, December 15, 2006
No time...
I have failed to finish the metrocon post.
I also failed to rant about recent events...
about recent elations...recent tears.
All because I had no time to type entries as long as I want.
So this will be short. At the moment, I do not know why I feel so hurt but I am. Sometimes I wish I could take back time and reverse everything.
I'm so confused that I want time to speed up or even stop so I won't even think. I don't want to dwell on it anymore because in the process I find myself bruising myself so bad.
But whoever said it would be easy?
12:11 AM
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I don't care what the world
throws at me now.
It's gonna be alright.
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